Can We Wait? A Real Talk on Orthodox Views of Sex Before Marriage

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Let’s be real for a second—this topic isn’t easy to discuss. Whether you're in a relationship, thinking about starting one, or just trying to stay faithful in a world that constantly challenges that, the question comes up sooner or later: Is it necessary to wait until marriage?

I get it. We’re not living in the 1800s. The culture around us screams, “Do what feels good,” and “If you love each other, why not?” But if you’re trying to live your life through an Orthodox Christian lens, the answer isn’t just about feelings. It’s about something more profound—respect, discipline, and the sacredness of both body and soul.

What the Church Teaches

The Orthodox Church doesn’t treat sex like it’s dirty or shameful. On the contrary, within marriage, it’s holy. It’s a way for husband and wife to unite physically, spiritually, emotionally, and sacramentally. That’s powerful stuff.

But outside of marriage? That same act becomes something it wasn’t meant to be: disconnected from the lifelong commitment, the blessing of the Church, and the grace that comes with it. It’s not about "being a prude"—it’s about keeping something sacred where it belongs.

But What If We’re Already in Love?

That’s probably the most common situation. You love each other, you’re serious, maybe even engaged. The temptation is real. You’re not alone in that. But here’s the thing: love isn’t just about how strong your feelings are. It’s about your will—the choices you make to honor each other and God, even when it’s hard.

Waiting says: “I respect you enough to put our souls before our desires. I want to enter marriage with you fully—blessed, unburdened, and in peace with God.”

It’s Not About Guilt. It’s About Freedom.

This isn't a guilt trip. This is about freedom. The kind of freedom that comes when your relationship isn’t weighed down by secrecy, confusion, or spiritual disconnection. When you wait, you give yourself room to build something deeper—trust, self-control, and true unity.

And if you’ve already crossed that line? Don’t despair. The Church is about healing, not punishment. Confession isn’t about shame—it’s about restoration. God’s mercy is way bigger than our past.

Practical Tips for Staying Committed

• Set clear boundaries. Don’t wait until the moment of temptation to decide what your values are.

• Pray together. It sounds simple, but it keeps your focus where it should be.

• Talk openly about your intentions. You both need to be on the same page.

• Surround yourselves with people who respect your choices. You need encouragement, not eye-rolls.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t about judging anyone or pretending it’s easy. I’ve had my struggles, and I know how countercultural this sounds. But waiting isn’t weakness—it’s strength. And in a world that rushes into everything, patience and purity are a radical kind of love.

So, can we wait?

Yes, with God’s help, we can.